The Reality Of Life

The reality of life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason why you are living this life. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself that you've tasted as many as you could and shared as many as you could.

Sorry Is My Eternal Plea.

Dim eyes,
looking at me in the face,
Cry, shall thee not,

It is true that once,
the key of my heart,
is something that you hold,

Now, I'm back,
In front of your gaze
Surely, not because of you,

It's not my intentions,
to bring unpleasantness to your heart,
Do not worry,

If my presence hurt you,
sorry is my eternal plea,
Now there is something behind the door of my heart,
who is definitely not you,

Forgive me,
If you cry again,

Forgive me,
I'm not the man I used to be,

Forgive me
If you still crave,

Forgive me,
This cloudy days will pass.

Dim eyes,
looking at me in the face,
Cry, shall thee not,

We skipped those days,
when you and I,
dance to the rythm of life,

Forgive me,
If you cry again,

Forgive me,
I'm not the man I used to be,

Forgive me
If you still crave,

Forgive me,
this cloudy days will pass,

Then we shall dance again to rythm of life,
once again..

Running throughout the night

I snucked out of my room,
hardened with the paint of unrefined fronts and lies,
and gazed at the night sky,
like always, I'll jump over the twisted wire fence,
And run over the hard pavement,

We, who are unalike, are connected by a thin thread,
Not one of those red ones you see around,
Where we meet up, huge trees stop the racket,
And only the sound of our breath soaks in,

I'll hang out with you at that empty town square,
Every time our eyes meet, they smile,
I'll run through the night; don't attack me just now,
I'll run towards the far-off light,

The graffiti on the walls and the clock that stopped suddenly,
Will grant me eternal freedom,
On my rolling back, the feel of cold concrete,
On the tip of my tongue, something bittersweet, once again,

I drew a rose-colored freehand haphazardly,
Lightning flashes in the west,
I'll run through the night; don't attack me just now,
I'll smash the fate of destruction and run through,

I'll hang out with you at that empty town square,
Every time our eyes meet, they smile,
I'll run through the night; don't attack me just now,
I'll run towards the far-off light.

I Trust You

Flowers sway in the wind as if dancing,
So that the rain moistens the earth,
Even though this world is alive, coming closer together,
Why do people hurt each other?
Why do partings come about?

Even if you go far away, still,
You're always right in the middle of my heart,
While they remain buried away by that kind smile,
Even if I feel pain,
In fragments of you that I held, because we'll still connect,
I trust that we can meet again,
I'm waiting for your love,

I love you, I trust you,
I want you to share your loneliness with me,
I love you, I trust you,
Even in light, even in darkness, because we're together,
We're able to trust each other,
Please don't leave anymore,

Who saw the edge of the world?
Who announces the end of the journey?
Even if it's a long night and you can't see the answer now,
I want you to advance on the road that you trusted,
Because light is waiting ahead of there,

The song that you taught me,
Is right in the middle of my heart even now,
The overflowing drops of feelings,
That are resonating together with that kind voice,
Warmly trail down my cheeks,
I'll become strong; I trust that we're connected,
I'm always by your side,

I love you, I trust you,
These tears keep flowing because of you,
I love you, I trust you,
You taught me what love was,
No matter how you're lost on the road,
I'm by your side,

Waiting for your love,
Always by your side,
You're the one that I love,
You're the one that I trust,
You're the only one,

I love you, I trust you,
I want you to share your loneliness with me,
I love you, I trust you,
Even in light, even in darkness,
I love you, I trust you,
Even in sorrow, even in joy,
I love you, I trust you,
I want to protect all of you,

No matter how you're lost on the road,
I'm by your side; we're able to trust each other,
Please don't leave anymore.

Those unseen words of feelings..

  I'm hiding my overflowing feelings forcibly,
Today I've just stared into the distance again,
All the this and that I talked with you,
Embracing them keeps me somehow alive,

The word of magic only you and me can understand,
Recently there has been no time for dreaming,
I remember it and become strangely happy,
We'll meet again, even without promises,

Sleeping like a corpse, waking up crying,
Singing subdued in a crowded place,
What are you doing? I wanna see your smile,
I'll hold up my selfishness and toss it into the sky,

The word of magic, if I speak it out it's short,
However, it's effect is something marvelous,
No one knows about it, even if it leaks it's still vivid,
Until the day we can share the story after that,

Flowers are lovely, even thorns are lovely,
This stub should be lovely too,

The word of magic only you and me can understand,
Recently there has been no time for dreaming,
I remember it and become strangely happy,
We'll meet again, even without promises.

Just crush my heart instead.

Never once I want to know a thing you do,
It's amazing how a year can change so much of me and you,

That night with the moonlight,
Which blinded my sight,
You came to me, you said my name right,
I understand what say you might.

Girl, I'm not here to love you like him,
I'm here to teach you to love him.

You don't have to break his heart, just crush mine instead,
You know I'm not like the rest, this is nothing from what I've had,
Just crush mine instead, you can put me to the test,
This diamond of mine, can put up to your best,

So just crush mine instead,
Just crush my heart instead,
This is nothing to what I've had,
Here, just crush mine instead.

So that when you hurt him, tell him for me,
Of me, that unlike he,
"I know of someone who can take more than what you had,"
Let him know, you've crushed mine instead.

When you near me, I stay away,
When you need me, I came running your way,
This care, made me pay,
Learning a lesson the hard way.

I'm not here to love you like him,
I'm here to teach you to love him.

Just Another Monday ver.2

15th April 2013

Maple Story

I've been playing this game. It's a Facebook App. I love adventure games, I'm so into it, it made me forgot of time. Hahaha! (^O^)

Need For Speed Most Wanted 2012

Damn, I've been waiting for ages to play this one. It's kinda different from the previous Most Wanted. Got tonnes of ust drive cars, it doesn't depend on credits system to buy cars. Just find and drive.

A girl who I came to care, unconditionally.

Listen to my story. 

I will now let you in to a story of me with a girl that even I was suprised how I even came to care of her, to the extent of telling her. Her friend calls her Sally.

A girl, no matter how many times she denies it, she will always remember every detail, every moment, every piece of the memories you've left her. No matter how much she tries to forget, it will always be there.

My story with her happened at a University, I always remember that my main reason to come to that place was only for one goal. To get my degree and get a better job for a living. Never did it come to my mind to find a woman and have a relationship while studying. Because I know better, it will distract me from my goal.

It was in the fourth semester of studying, for the second time I was in the same section with her. I have a closed friend, his name is Terence. Terence was my friend, a brother of mine since my days in Polytechnic of Kota Kinabalu. Since he was a Sarawakian, and kinda got that playboy groves (as how I see him) he knows of her and other Sarawakians in that University. Terence is not that kind of man that plays with someones heart, I know him. I think it's because he only have one elder sister, that's the reason he is humbly friendly to others, even though he is kinda good with the greens(if you know what I mean). 

Let me start, how my care for her develops inside me. It was like any other night, Terence was asking me to join him to spend some time, take a break for a while. Never did I know that he was about to bring her and another friend of her, Linda. She was always so close to Linda, they're kinda like siblings, always so close to one another. I find that cute. Terence park his car just below her house, where she stay. She was already outside with Linda. Terence got out, and greet them, takes out a cigarette and joins them. I'm not a smoker, so I just stay inside his car.

My eyes caught her, she looks at me. Slowly, she walk towards Terence's car. She was wearing a white T-shirt that night. She taps the window and look at me, I know the eye of someone who looks down on you, I know what her eyes means, I can read people just by looking at them. I know that in her mind she was saying, "what the hell are you doing here?" I just look at her, and change my view to the lights at shops around the place. In my mind, I was saying, "You don't know me girl, don't underestimate me, you underestimating the wrong guy." That night, I promise that I show her one day, who am I. I let that feeling hidden inside of me, I don't want to embarrass my best friend good intention of letting me join him for the night. Only God knows of my anger, I'm a professional, I handle my life professionally.

Almost every saturday and sunday night, Me, Terence, her and her friends hangout. I'm just joining in for Terence, never I had in my mind to know her or her friends more than I want, it's how I see her, she is not wild. She just want to take a breath, the only thing that I don't like about her is, she smokes. Well, what do I need to care, I'm not that fond of her or her friend Linda. To tell you the truth, this Linda girl unfriended me from Facebook, I think it was on the night where I didn't greet them during a student meeting with Dr.Affandi. Sheliza and Martha (other two Sarawakian friends of mine) didn't do that to me, I just let that aside, She does got the looks but on the inside, I'm pretty sure she is someone who just want to take advantage on you. I know her type, I'm sure of that.

So, our hanging out routine was always that mall, BP Mall. It's just like what I do when I was in Polytechnic. Window shopping, looking on what is in store, dine, watch movies, typical mall stuff like that. On one night, we stop by this restaurant. It got an open bar karaoke. I sure love to sing, I don't care even a bit of what people might said after they heard my voice. So, Linda and her, with another friend of them Hidayah, look at a list of song, I found what I want to sing so I just join in. I'm always in if it is karaoke. I pick a song from Bee Gees and Michael Learns To Rock. When we done, I gave them my part of share for the karaoke bill, she paid for one of the song that I sing. I was kind of suprised, didn't she hate me? Why did she do that? In my mind, I think she is just being nice. Well I appreciate that, sincerely.

Morning come, another lecture day. It was Machine Control. Terence was not in because he got a test. Usually, Linda and her sit near to me and Terence. That day, Linda and him was not in, she asked me if Terence would be coming, I told her about his test. She got up, and sit with the other girls. "Good, don't you try and get cozy with me." That's what I have in my mind. Our classmates look at us, amazed maybe.

Semester break comes in. It just for a week. I think it is a good time for me to get myself a ride. I want to use it during the short semester. I ask Cornelius, a friend of mine, to accompany me to search for a good ride. Since Corn have some experience in dealing with people, I asked him to come along.

I came to Kuala Lumpur with Corn. Test drive a few cars, then I finally decide that I want this, a 2000 Kia Sephia. It got DVD Player, Kenwood ICE, just perfect for a student like me. So, I gave it the name Sephiroth. Now I have an advantage in mobilizing my way around Batu Pahat area.

I bought it using my own money, cash. I'm not so dependent on my family. Actually I've been saving my pay from my previous work in Texas Instruments. I was a Maintenance Technician before I came to the University. The other reason for me to get myself a ride is to prove some people that they are wrong if they think I came from people with financial problems. My father has a palm oil plantation and my mother is a businesswoman. The reason I was late to further my studies is just a matter of choice. I want it that way.

So, I come back to Perwira Residential College(PRCC) along with Corn, I really love to drive, I am so into the motoring world. Ask me anything about it, I know it. I got  my camera, and I post about Sephiroth in my Facebook. Terence was the first one to notice about it, there are some ungood vibes coming around my circles in Facebook, I guess some people just can't help being negative when you got good things coming to you.

Terence called me to come by his house, he wants to or rather demands to know what my ride is. So I came to his house, when he saw it all hell break loose, hahaha. So, he decide that we should hang out at that place, BP Mall. Never did I know that he was about to tag Linda and her along. In my mind, I was saying "In all of this place, why must you ask those two to tag along? Among all of people in this place, that two who are shouldn't be riding my ride." Ironic, but believe me, I don't want to get any closer than just an acquiantance to those two. It's how I observe that two, they're the kind of girls that if you get to close to them, you'll end up as a fool.

So, here I am driving my ride to her place. "Why must this happen?" I said that in my mind. I stop at her place, Linda and her was already down. Looking at Linda's eyes, I'm more convinced of her "Advantage Taking" type. Seriously, I'm not bringing my ride with the intention to impress Sally or Linda or any girl. I got my ride so that I will not be late to attend my class anymore, that's my only reason. She got in, I greet her. She ask of my ride, I tell her I brought it during that one week semester break, so that my mobility during the short semester is increased. Reading her face, I think I've teached her a lesson. "Now you see what I'm capable of, don't you dare underestimate me." That is what I said in my mind. "Be kind to unkind people" that is also one of my favourite quote. The best thing to teached unkind people is to always be kind, so that they know how rotten they are inside.

We head out to that mall. Well because there aren't so many mall around Batu Pahat area, that's the only place. We dine at The Chicken Rice Shop, window shopping, looking at new geeky gadgets. I wear my bluetooth headset at that time, felt like a spy indeed.

1st May comes, I want to ask my "little brother" Khairil to join me for a trip to Johor Bahru, instead he was dead asleep. "Let him be", I said that in my mind. I ask Corn, he was already set. Actually I didn't even plan this. Hahaha! So, I ask Terence if he want to join in for the ride,he was sleeping. Then I ask his housemates, Sheldon and Tony. There, we go 4 people on an unplanned road trip.

I really love to drive on the highway, where I can just drive. Never did I imagined that I will be driving to Johor Bahru on my own ride. Our first stop was at The Danga City Mall. We tried all kind of things there. Archery, Musical Instruments, Airsofts you named it. Danga City Mall gives me an alternative "Mall Adventure."

Hanging out with my friends on JB was awesome, mainly because it was unplanned. An Accidential Road Trip, crazy. We were just like little boys enjoying our time without any care of the world, just us friends doing crazy stuff that was so uncalled for.

Our last heading was Danga Bay, it was raining when we got there. I print the memories of I did on that day in my mind. One day, I would like to go on another road trip with my best buddies. Just us the road and the unexplored world.

Final test for that semester came in, since I was in my main course was Robotic, my last paper was on the last day before the semester break. Terence called me, asking to hang out with the girls. Actually, I was already planning to head out with my Ex-Poly mates on that night. Then again, you know Terence always demanding like a spoiled little brother of mine. So, I decide that I'll hang out with my Ex-Poly mates on the other night and hang out with Terence and the girls instead.

I went to Terence's house and pick him up. I ask him why doesn't he go out with Sheila (his Girlfriend) instead. He said she's partying with her fellow mates, since it is their final days in UTHM. So, we head out to pick up the girls. First stop KKTDI.

Sheliza, Martha and Linda was already waiting for us. Throwing tantrums because I was late, well that day I was on my last paper for the semester. What can I do, I'm still wearing the same clothes while attend the paper. They got in and we went to pick  her, Sally. As usual she was already waiting, she got in and next stop, where else if it's not BP Mall.

Not much to do when we get there. Me and Terence just let those girls hang lose. When we finish our mall routine, the girls were already waiting beside my ride. Sheliza asked me, what was the topic I was talking about with Terence before we got there. I just said, "Nothing special, just some man talk." Sally was asking me to open up the door, tired of standing maybe. Do the magic and she's in. Me, Terence and the girls(except her) chat for a while. Sheliza asked me to shut the door and let Sally locked up inside The Sephiroth. "Nah, can't do that, even though I'm kinda like a devil."

Then she barge into the conversation, when we talked about what section I'll be for the next Semester. She convince me to stay at Section 3. I can read her why, "Mobility Advantage or Just wanna be a friend?" that is what I said in my mind. Well, I'm okay with any Section, but the girls insisted because Felix and Corn were the only Borneo Boys in their circles. So I agree, it doesn't hurt hanging around with these girls for a change. We got in and headout to grab something to eat.

P/S: I think I stop here for now, I'll continue this later.

Shopping.

9th Of April 2013

In Store

Magazines.

Been out, driving. Since I got nothing to do, I pick this time to buy some magazines. I follow Autocar, Top Gear, FHM and Esquire. FHM is a light eye theraphy for men, if you know what I mean. Heh heh heh. I am a "Petrolhead" ask me anything about car, I know about what is happening in the automotive world like how I know of the back of my hand, seriously.

Nigella Sativa Capsule

Supplement.

I take The Black Seed (Nigella Sativa) capsule as my supplement. This herb is a flower, according to a hadith, The Black Seed is a cure of all disease except death. It's been a while I take them, I never feel so confident in my health as before, even a simple flu can't catch me. According to a research, this plant sure have a high health benefit.

Glitter Lamp

Novelty Items.

I bought this Glitter Lamp from a novelty item shop. I love looking at it, it does calms your mind looking at those slow flow of the glittering flakes inside this lamp. It works just like a normal lava lamp, only for this one they put glitter flakes inside it. Looking at it while listening to calm instrumental music really gives me that calm feeling.

My Harmonicas

Harmonica.

I love playing them, I play the guitar to. Today I got two more Diatonic Harmonica to be added to my humble collection. Right hand corner is my C chord Stagg Blues Harp. Center is my new E chord SX Blues and that cute little one is my Swan Mini Necklace Harmonica. Even though that Swan is tiny, still it can play a decent tune.

Have you really loved a woman?

Have you ever, ever really love a woman?

To really love a woman,

To understand her, you gotta know her deep inside,

Hear her every thought and see her every dream,

Give her wings, if she wants to fly,

When you find yourself lying helpless in her arms,

You know that you really love a woman.

When you love a woman then tell her.

tell her, that she's really wanted.

When you love a woman, tell her that she's the one,

She needs somebody to tell her,

that it's gonna last forever,

So have you ever really,

really really ever loved a woman?

To really love a woman, Let her hold you,

until you know how she needs to be touched,

You gotta breathe her, really feel her

Till you can feel her in your blood,

When you can see your unborn children in her eyes,

You know you really love a woman.

When you love a woman, then tell her that she's really wanted,

When you love a woman then tell her that she's the one,

She needs somebody to tell her,

that you'll always be together,

So tell me have you ever really,

really really ever loved a woman?

You got to give her some faith, hold her tight,

A little tenderness, you gotta treat her right,

She will be there for you, taking good care of you,

You really gotta love your woman.

Then when you find yourself lying helpless in her arms,

You know that you really love a woman.

When you love a woman then tell her,

tell her, that she's really wanted.

When you love a woman, tell her that she's the one,

She needs somebody to tell her,

that it's gonna last forever,

So have you ever really,

really really ever loved a woman?

Just tell me have you ever really,

really, really, ever loved a woman?

really, really, ever loved a woman?

Just Another Monday.

8th of April 2013

Mi-kun

Remembering My Cat, Mi-Kun.

I have a cat, I named him "Mi-kun". When he was 2 years old, someone rammed him. Mi-kun was injured, his back bone was fractured, can't even stand and he urinated blood. Only God knows how I felt, I raised him since he was just a kitten. After a week, Mi-kun eyes got this cataract kind of look. I never cried like that when I look at his eyes. So, I put him in an attic, and I gave him a herb that he always love, I speak to him everyday to fight for his life and be that playfull cat that I always know. 

I named him before Mi-kun of Cyborg Kuro-chan

I never stop talking to him, pray for him and give him that herb. After a month, he was standing when I came to look at him. My cat that got a severe fractures in his back, standing and walking to me. That day, I believe that animals do hear us and listen, and I believe that God is there in the heavens. Even my mom when I called her to look at Mi-kun can't even believe with her eyes that he was standing, walking and running like how he was before that accident.

The Herb

The Herb. 

I don't know what is the name of the herb. But it look like this. Before the accident, Mi-kun was always biting on it. He is so into this herb, one day I pulled it out for him and he slap it out of my hands and went biting on it like crazy. Kinda like a cat on catnip. I think this herb have a potential in cat cures. It has this mint leaves like leaves. It produce a small white flower. Sometimes if I pulled the large one, I find a fruit in it's roots. Maybe it is a tuberous plant.

Leaves of The Herb

Flower of The Herb

Before The Beginning of The Short Break.

7th Of April 2013:

Just My Ride

Silence At The PRC.

Since some of the student have gone for the short break, PRC(Perwira Residential College) is getting silent, only those of the foreigners and some of the locals like who got tonnes of errand that prefers to stay. Well, it's just another short break.

Cruising At The Penang Bridge

Remembering Penang.

Back during the Eidul Adha of 2012, I stayed at the house of a close friend of mine in Taiping, Perak. I have planned to travel to The North of The Peninsular. My ultimate goal is to pay a visit to The Queensbay Mall. My little brother told me about how huge it is, so I want to see it with my own eyes. Cruising at The Penang Bridge in My Own Ride is the best memories that I have. Since I am A Sabahan. It's a unique experience to  do stuff like this.

Posing Like A Model

Kellie's Castle, Batu Gajah, Perak.

I went with my fellow classmates of Robotic section to The Murata Electronics Company in Perak. While on the way we stopped for a while and check out at the tourist attraction around. One of the place that we visit is Kellie's Castle. Kellie's Castle (sometimes also called Kellie's Folly) is located near Batu Gajah, and is about 20 minutes' drive from Ipoh, Perak. The unfinished, ruined mansion, was built by a Scottish planter named William Kellie Smith. According to differing accounts, it was either a gift for his wife or a home for his son.

追い払う！(Drive Off!)

Otaku Camera.

While others go for the Instagram, I on the other hand choose Otaku Camera. I find this android app to be cool. You can choose all different manga style exposures to create a unique manga style picture of you. I have a Sony Experia GO. I love this smartphone since it is build to be able to cope with extreme abuse. Love that waterproof capabilities. ソニーはクールです！(Sony is cool!) (^O^)

A New Beginning.

6th Of April 2013:

Me and My Ride.

Corncerning My Final Year Project.

It's been two days since my birthday in 4th Of April. I thank Allah for giving me a chance to live this past 28 years. I'm just like all of the people of the world. I need to find more resource on my final year project. I promise myself that I will put all of my best effort to make it something that I will proud of doing. I'm thinking of making a Perpetual Motion Engine. I have researched about The Golden Ratio (1.618). The reason I want to put this ratio in to my project is to achieve The Perfect Balance. This is just theoritical, but if I can pull this off, I might create an invention that can make benefit to all mankind.

 

Somewhere In Cheras.

Travelling.

I enjoyed travelling so much. Since three years that I've studied in Batu Pahat,Johor. I've been travelling a lot. From North to The South of The Peninsular, I have put down a mark. Travelling for me is a theraphy. Enjoy the view of this world of ours if you can. If you can't find time for it, make one.

The Sephiroth.

My Ride.

I have a ride, it's a 2000 Kia Sephia. I gave my ride a name, I called it "The Sephiroth" a name of the antagonist in a video game (Final Fantasy VII). It means "The Path Of Distruction" in The Kabalah (Ancient Jewish Teachings of Satanic Roots), this just means I ride with The Path Of Destruction. Quite ballsy, aren't I? Hehehe. (^_^)

Books

Collection Of Books. 

I love to read. Everything from Religion, Farming, Gardening, Fishing, Cars and stuff like that. I don't follow the mainstream media too much, but I do hear them once a while. If you need real news make friends with your neighbours, for foreign news, make friends with some foreigners. I will only believe in the words of people who witness it first hand. Reading for me is one of my favourite way of using my free time. I read ebooks too.